Weeeell, the title really gives it away, but formally, I have officially given up Instant Messenger since Thursday morning. It was a new year's resolution of mine and I knew that this day was coming... but it still doesn't take away from the void that AIM has left in my daily life. Horribly sad but true, though this is the very reason I wanted (and needed) to take a break from it for a while. It's become such a gigantic crutch for me, I'm always divulging more online than I should (for instance, this past week I completely let all inhibitions about AIM go and told an aquaitence (sp?) of mine about my various health problems. Mind you, this was a boy, not a girl. Completely different.) and it simply promotes laziness when I could be stretching my legs and walking across the hall to tell my friend that the cafe was good today... most of my friends don't get why I'm doing this or don't care, which is more or less frustrating. But when is it not - I mean, how many times has somebody been passionate about something when no one else was? Or they just didn't understand? I think the fact that I'm a little old-fashioned when it comes to socializing and dating plays a huge factor in why I hate AIM so much. Most kids use it as a barrier for communication, for sometimes serious conversation and idle chat... I however, used to only use it to keep appointments, finalize things and say hello once and a while, and that was it. Note the word used. I didn't start hating it until I was asked out on a date, for the first time since I'd been at High Point - on AIM. On AIM! I couldn't believe it... if this guy really liked me, why wouldn't he ask me to my face? And how could hiding behind a computer make the situation any better? Hoooow? It was annoying and disheartening, to say the least. It had become an excuse to avoid personal confrontations - the face to face kind - and more than ever, students like me were making it an excuse more consistently each day, holding up our computers in front of our faces as if voiced conversation had become shameful or embarassing. I say I've hated it since then, yet I grew to use it daily over the following months, mostly to avoid the mildest form of public humiliation (not using AIM incessantly) and to keep everyone aware of my goings-on via my away messages. In fact, the only person I talked to every day was Chris, and this is the only thing that's kept me from giving AIM up already. It's the biggest reason these past couple days have stunk without it. Anyway... now that it's gone, the time I would have usually spent talking on AIM is left completely empty, so what do I do now? Homework? More traveling around the complex to talk to the people I care about? Probably, but not soon. I'm still adjusting. Spending more time on Facebook than I normally do. But enjoying the time I have with my friends a lot more. Starting to focus on the things I've missed out on while wasting my life away on AIM. Mostly thinking too much, like of where my life is headed, trying to get my prayer life going, thinking of what Mckenzie and I are going to do about our best friend/married couple status. It sounds like a deep transformation, and it is. I never would have expected it, but it's definitely here. Talk about a crutch!
Listening to: Iron and Wine
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