Because holy mother, I need about a gajillion right now. I can't remember being this stressed! Usually I have a grasp of the material (at least a finger or two on it), and I honestly usually never go into a test having no idea what I'm going to write or think about. But this American Government class (it's honors, by the way) is kicking me in the butt all the way to next week and I don't understand why it is. I've taken plenty of notes, every class is interesting and I'm pretty motivated for all of them and yet, when I took some time to look over the test guide, I completely spazzed out, searching my notes frantically for information that just wasn't there. He's interesting enough but really general and ambiguous with his lectures that never come with notes but rather the occasional, sporadic term scrawled on the board. How do I make great essays out of that? While we're on the topic I'm really disgruntled by the fact that multiple teachers here expect you to learn entirely by reading the text - if I could learn all the material by buying a few books, I wouldn't need these teachers and thus this university would have no right charging me for anything besides room and board. You are here to teach me the material, not the book. But anyway...
Basically, I'm really stressed right now and not sure how to deal with it. For me, I've always been bad with dealing with stress; it usually goes hand in hand with me feeling unmotivated and simply sitting on my stress and contemplating how horrible it is. Which definitely includes this blog. I know the thing to do is just make a list of my things to do and get them done... but honestly, when you're a college student and you have tons on your plate already without the classes and homework and tests, it's easier said than done. Right now, I just want to finish my coffee, my laundry and The Daily Show, finish tidying up my half of the room and end my day (also redonkulously long) and just crawl into bed. Sometimes, I can just breathe in and out a few times, think about the magnificence of God and I'm reminded of my blessings and all of my stress flows away, off into the wilderness of High Point University to dissipate into the air or enter the minds of some other troubled students. Mmm, I really dislike this feeling.
It's Rush week for Alpha Phi Omega and what I thought would be an awesome week of fellowship has just turned into stress squared.
All this finding Agape before Ethos is not working out even though I really, really want it to. I still find myself crushing on guys here, trying unsuccessfuly to bring something around with these relationships and I simply keep crashing and burning. Thinking back on my failed relationships now, I can obviously see that it's a sign... but still. I guess having strength to follow through with the necessary but not always pleasant things in life is what being a Christian is all about. Or at least it's a little of what God calls us to do.
Currently watching: David Letterman
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