Love life update.

I want to find love within the Holy Spirit before I experience love on earth. Plainly, I really don't want a relationship right now. I may have thought I did earlier (in my life, this week) but now, after some circumstances, I realize that I don't. And it's a relief, to be honest. I really just want to be able to open my heart entirely to the Lord, let him fill me up with joy and so much love that's fit to burst. I need to have Agape before I have Eros, a Godly relationship before an exotic one. I'm excited beyond words to find that someone that God has prepared for me, to share that Eros love with - but right here, right now, all I want is Agape. I'm working on it.

"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me
For I wait for You."
- Psalms 25:21

Ponderings on this past week...

The past few days have been, if nothing else, enlightening and some of the happiest times I've had since the semester started. They've also been uttlerly and insanely frustrating and maddening to no degree. Either way, I'm relieved that it's one o'clock at the top of the week and simply that as of an hour ago, last week is officially over. I mentioned ponderings in my title, so here they are:

1) Most of the time, it is beyond difficult to be a model Christian. Maintaining a strict, conservative regimen from day to day in light of college debauchery that is mounds of alcohol and sex 24/7 is like asking an alcoholic who's just gotten out of rehab not to dive into a gigantic vat of Sam Adams. It's hard.

2) Living with your once-best friend is just like # 1, it's hard. Especially since the things that broke us up stemmed from us being roomates. Like her incessant criticism and negativity. Hey, there are some things you can't help like your rhinocerous-snoring but there are other things that you can change to not make your roomate want to jump out the window.

3) Why do guys that you haven't talked to for months, let alone ever been close to suddenly find you on AIM only to hit you with flattery (aka flirtation) every other second? What does this mean? Why are you doing this, especially since you know this must feel awkward? I dislike it when men flirt when they know that nothing will come out of it, that it can't or that you don't want it to. But some of that isn't necessarily their fault.

4) It ALSO stinks when you're roomate has had a falling out with a certain person, and then your happen to become really good friends with that person later on. It's just really and unnecessarily awkward. I know that she assumes that said person and I gab about her all the time, which just isn't true. But she thinks it. She thinks a lot of things, but instead of talking it out with me she talks constantly to her boyfriend, who is a New Jersian as well and only fuels her hatred towards everything. But I've complained and complained about this subject and I'm not going to complain anymore right now.

5) One should never ponder too much. It simply isn't good for your mental well-being.

6) Friends are the greatest. I say, just surround yourself with your best friends as much as you can, and you'll be happy.

Listening to: the fan above and the computer next to me hum
Reading: the first Harry Potter
Final thought: my hands are really soft, thanks to various hand salves from Bath and Body Works (only the greatest store in Oak Hollow Mall!)

The Great Love.

Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian, says: “No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, giving yourself totally to me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone, discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing and that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you! You just wait, that’s all. Don’t look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and up to me or you’ll miss what I want to show you. And then when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful that you could dream of. You see, until you are ready I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied with me and the life I am preparing for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and this perfect love. Dear one, I want you to see in the flesh a picture as a picture of your relationship with me, and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am the Almighty God, believe it and be satisfied. I say this to you because I love you and I have the best for you, just wait on me!”

Love, love and love. This goes out to my awesome friend Brittany who listened to me ramble for two hours this morning about my "guy troubles"... oh, college can be so high school sometimes.

College roomate etiquette.

So no one likes to have a second mom on campus, nagging you about what you're doing wrong with your life, how watching CSI instead of getting through your chemistry homework faster is going to ruin your college career, giving you "you're going to regret this" and "I would never" eyes when you take an afternoon nap. Especially if your second mom happens to be your roomate. It's just rediculous when people around you make things SO much bigger than they are or should be...for instance, taking the occasional nap after a dayful of classes. Hey, if I have the free time, I'm going to sleep for two hours. Anyway, my roomie says she appreciates the fact that I get most of my work done at night (she's even reminded me how hard it was to go to sleep at 11 pm through my typing - but she's worked through it, for my sake) but she's constantly berating me about staying up till 1 studying or watching TV instead of cracking open my lab notes like I should be doing ("Didn't you say you were going to the library?") and not always with words, either. It's mostly in her tone or her physical attitude, when she asks what I'm doing (crocheting a scarf, reading Harry Potter), as she make it blatant that she's homeworking away (furiously highlighting some gigantic textbook, regally announcing her depature to the library for that accounting study group). A little rediculous? A little overbearing? Way to mom-ish (when we were only best friends last year)? I think so.

Life is...

flipping awesome when your biggest decision of the week is which lyric from "I Am Changing" (aka the greatest Dreamgirls showtune) you're going to put in your away message.

Facebooking!

Dear Morg-

Sufjan and I anxiously await your return to the states! Btw, while you were gone we got married and had two kids! Amazing what you miss when you move to Mexico! Lol seriously, I hope you are having an amazing time in the south and I miss you a gargantuan amount!

Regards,

Alicia :)

AIM Adventures (Part 2).

johnnywonkadepp: NO NO NO WAY I'M LIVIN WITHOUT YOU
johnnywonkadepp: I'M NOT LIVIN WITHOUT YOU
johnnywonkadepp: YOU SEE THERE'S JUST NO WAY
GratiasAgimus: YOU'RE THE BEST MAN
johnnywonkadepp: THERE'S NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAY
GratiasAgimus: I'VE EEEVER KNOOWWWWN
GratiasAgimus: THERE'S NO WAY I CAN EVER EVER GOOO
GratiasAgimus: Haha yes!
johnnywonkadepp: AND YOU
johnnywonkadepp: AND YOU
johnnywonkadepp: AND YOU
johnnywonkadepp: YOU'RE GONNA LOVE ME
johnnywonkadepp: YES GET IT J HUD
GratiasAgimus: YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH OOHHH OHH OHHH
johnnywonkadepp: I LOVE THAT HIGH NOTE SHE HITS
johnnywonkadepp: YESSSSSS
johnnywonkadepp: OMG Alicia...can you imagine how amazing it would be
johnnywonkadepp: If she sang this at the Oscars?
johnnywonkadepp: I want them to do that whole scene though
johnnywonkadepp: Leading up to it
GratiasAgimus: OH MY GAAH
GratiasAgimus: MOMMY
GratiasAgimus: Wait
GratiasAgimus: So what was the surprise that was supposed to happen at the Globes?
johnnywonkadepp: Ugh
johnnywonkadepp: It was Arnold
GratiasAgimus: Lmao!
GratiasAgimus: Oh.

p.s. it's not supposed to make sense. plus, I'm falling in love, for the first time, with Want Two. instead of Poses or Want One. "Agnus Dei", while before it made me anxious, it now makes me tingle (not in a bad way).

Continuing the Christmas Spirit!

this guy is one of my favorites, incase you couldn't tell by my profile. I just found this video for his "Put the Lights on the Tree" from his new Christmas Album, and it's amazing. the album and the video, that is. sometimes life needs to be simple and animated. I think that's the lesson learned here.

AIM Adventures (Part 1).

johnnywonkadepp: Brangelina moving to New Orleans
johnnywonkadepp: Hmm
GratiasAgimus: Yeah I saw that on CNN
GratiasAgimus: Well they say they love it there
johnnywonkadepp: There's gonna be a lot of happy people in Louisiana
GratiasAgimus: Haha
johnnywonkadepp: Imagine if you heard Rufus was moving to High Point
GratiasAgimus: OMG
GratiasAgimus: -DIES-
johnnywonkadepp: HAHA
GratiasAgimus: oh man
GratiasAgimus: I haven't listened to him in a while
johnnywonkadepp: Oh, I didn't know he was Canadian
GratiasAgimus: Rufus?
GratiasAgimus: yeah he's from montreal
GratiasAgimus: I think
GratiasAgimus: or wait
GratiasAgimus: Toronto?
GratiasAgimus: it's sad that I don't know this
johnnywonkadepp: Lol
johnnywonkadepp: It's sad that you're this upset you DON'T know
GratiasAgimus: hahahahha
GratiasAgimus: true

My friend just reminded me...

of the things in life that absolutely yank my chain, curdle my blood and make me twinge:

1. people screaming on their cell phones as if the other line was completely deaf
2. when one acquires that baby voice, usually while talking to parents or loved ones
3. when people deny both of these things

but i absolutely adore and love:

1. praying outloud
2. picking up my feet when I walk
3. goldfish crackers and silk soy milk after a long day of Bio 299, aka "Research and Writing in Biology"

and that's about it for today.

Tuesday's alright for fighting?

It's tuesday and this week has already left me nearly drunk with things like anticipation and confusion and gurgly feelings. I'm so ready to just start my day yet it's mid-day, I've barely woken up and taken a shower and I'm just sitting here blaring snow patrol and making my way through a mug of coffee at a snail's pace and chatting with Jenny online about my roomate problems.


aahh, such is life.


so APO is having a "mocktail" party soon and I need a dress and I need someone do go with. so here is my official personal add! I only need you for a few hours, it's at the end of February and it's casual dress. mmkay, thanks.

p.s. my title is definitely an allusion to Elton John and nothing else.